In the pink world of Mary Kay, because they are very often the Mary Kay “prospect’s” financial resource, husbands are commonly viewed as an obstacle to Sales Directors’ and National Sales Directors’ commission checks.
As a result, there is a litany of ways that Mary Kay’s predatory sales force encourages behavior that can (and often does) destroy relationships. All too often, it is through infidelity or, rather, financial infidelity.
What is financial infidelity? Here is one common definition:
Financial infidelity occurs when couples with combined finances lie to each other about money. For example, one partner may hide significant debts in a separate account while the other partner is unaware. Another common example is when one partner makes large discretionary expenditures without discussing the matter with their partner
In the June/July issue of Esquire magazine, there was a short R-rated vignette about the demise of a relationship that stated (in part):
Now it all makes sense.
The critical needless errands. The breathless racing around. The sudden attachment to her cell phone. The dramatic new standards of personal grooming.
The dinner with her girlfriends that began before six and didn’t end until after midnight.
The inexplicable need to drive six hours round trip to go dancing at a salsa festival in another city on the afternoon we returned from our anniversary trip to an expensive resort. She came home smelling like a stranger.
I get it now.
You’ve been so angry and mean and distant lately because…you’ve been cheating?
Many men whose lives have been turned upside down due to their spouses’ involvement with Mary Kay may read the above passage–knowing that the subject is sexual infidelity–yet, they will identify with the Esquire writer’s description of the behavioral traits exhibited in an extra-marital affair as those exhibited by their spouses in Mary Kay.
Why? Because, all-too-often, when women become immersed in the Pink Fog, climbing the pink ladder becomes their entire life–often at the expense of their families and, notably, their spouses.
Worse yet, because Mary Kay Cosmetics’ manipulative and predatory tactics encourage financial infidelity at the outset of the customer relationship, as well as the ostracization of anyone who may express “negativity,” the traits of a woman in Mary Kay may very quickly begin to resemble that of a spouse having an extra-marital affair.
- Like a lover, the Pink Fog of Mary Kay envelopes a woman’s personality.
- You, as the hapless (and helpless) husband, watch as the pink creeps creep into your life and your home.
- You notice that she gets more excited to see the UPS (who she now knows by first name) than you and, frankly, he’s at your house almost every day.
- When you ask a question seeking information, she begins quoting her sales director.
- When you ask about the unsold product lining shelves in your home and unpacked boxes in your basement, you get the cold shoulder or “it’s none of your damn business.”
- Your wife’s character begins to slowly change. It may take weeks or even months. But it changes.
- You listen from the other room when she makes her cold calls and she begins sounding like another annoyingly fake telemarketer.
- When you question her about the credit card statements that come in the mail, she tells you she’s covering it with her sales.
- When she buys a new dress to go away to Seminar–leaving you to take vacation days from work to be with the kids–she tells you that, in addition, to paying the bills–it’s your responsibility to “support” her fulfill her Mary Kay “dream.”
- She gets her Mary Kay car and tells you the “company” gave it to her–for free.
Then, you find out about the debt and that it was all…One. Big. Lie.
Instead of her Mary Kay “income,” you discover thousands of dollars in credit card debt. You discover that you’ve been lied to, manipulated and used.
The bad news is: You’re a schmuck. You’ve been scammed…conned like a grifter’s mark.
The good news is: Now you know–your suspicions have been confirmed beyond all doubt she’s tried to cast your way…
Your wife isn’t banging the UPS guy (that you know of), she’s been cheating on you in her Mary Kay “business.”
Does that make you feel any better? Probably not, according to the experts. The problem is, financial infidelity can be just as destructive on a relationship as sexual infidelity.
Deception with Mary Kay, like a cancer, has broken the marital bonds of trust–perhaps permanently.
In a 2012 online poll with 23,000 respondents, cited in Forbes, “60 percent of both men and women think cheating is cheating, whether it’s financial or sexual.”
Two-thirds told us that honesty about money is as important as remaining monogamous.
In an article on Today.com, researchers stated even more clearly the tie between the two types of infidelity:
Sex and money do have something in common: They are two areas where one partner has the capacity to devastate the other.
“Those are the two domains where they do fundamentally function based on trust, (and) those are the two domains where, once you’re really hooked on somebody in life, they can completely ruin you,” said Scott Stanley, a research professor at the University of Denver and co-author of the book “Fighting For Your Marriage.”
According to statistics cited by “The Money Couple,” Scott and Bethany Palmer, 70% of all divorced couples state money is the number one reason for their split.
Financial infidelity is not about the amount of money; it’s about the secrecy. (How about that for news?!) Hiding things from your partner harms your relationship because it is a breach of trust, and that hurts, no matter how much, or how little, money is involved.
When one husband discovered his spouse had engaged in lies and deception regarding debt, best-selling author Dave Ramsey summed up financial infidelity this way:
It’s the same kind of lying as sexual infidelity. And it pisses people off at the same level. It’s a broken trust, isn’t it? That’s a real deep thing in your marriage that you guys are going to have to get into because this lady’s going to have to hear that loud and clear and stop this crap. That’s a deal breaker, if not.
In another case, Ramsey advised:
Depending on how angry and hurt you are, you may want to sit down with a counselor and unpack some of this. It’s not a bad thing to have a marriage counselor get involved in you working through this with her. This stuff ticks people off and will end a marriage. Lots of couples survive this, and I suggest you give surviving it a shot so long as she gets the fact that this is not just cute. Some people think it’s cute to hide the Target bags under the bed. I don’t think it’s cute; I think it’s lying. Lying is not cute. It’s not how a relationship is built. It’s deception, and we have to call it what it is. She’s got to grasp what’s going on here and that it has to change. And then you can turn this around and begin to survive.
According to a law firm specializing in divorce, there are some tell tale signs that your spouse may be committing financial infidelity.
5 Warning Signs of Financial Infidelity in Your Marriage
There are a few warning signs that generally mean something is amiss:
- your partner quickly changes the subject when the conversation is about money;
- your partner becomes defensive and starts blaming when you ask innocent questions about money;
- your partner insists on handling the finances alone and refuses your help;
- you notice that spending is inconsistent with income; and
- you notice a sudden change in your spouse’s behavior and routine (i.e. work hours, bill paying, shopping, etc.).
The problem with Mary Kay Cosmetics’ predatory sales force is that financial infidelity is often encouraged and behavior traits like those above are all-too-common.
To many sales directors and NSDs, husbands are the obstacle to Mary Kay commissions and, if need be, they will often encourage women to cheat on her husbands–financially.
- The Mary Kay Husband Unawareness Plan
- Overcoming Objections: Why You & Your Family Never Stood Stand A Chance Against Mary Kay’s Manipulative Tactics
- Pink Truth: Women are taught to lie in Mary Kay
- Dr. Phil: Money Secrets & Lies